Politics

I was going to write something about Italy's allegedly incompetent hosting of the G8 summit. But this really says more than I ever could...



Lock up your daughters. Those fingers are loaded. What a man.

Films

Ah film, that most noble of art form. The medium which has brought us 'Who's Your Caddy', 'Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus', and 'Soccer Dog: The Movie'. Not to mention the oeuvre of Jason Statham, the thinking man's Vin Diesel....

If you like films, (of course you do, you're not mental!) then why not check out the internet- no, the world's (not sure which of these is bigger) finest film blog, Profoundly Moving. Dot com.

The site is full of hilariously snide, witty, scathing reviews, features and ephemera, all written behind a tantalising, comforting, cloak of anonymity.

What's more, if you are a vengeful film company baying for blood, then I may just be willing to reveal his secret identity to you for a very reasonable price. To be honest I'll probably do it for free if he keeps borrowing my DVD's without giving them back.

Seriously though check it out, it's brill. And far far funnier that that incessant fucking Keyboard Cat. God I hate that thing.

A Beginning

Hello. Welcome to another infernal blog by yet another infernal human being. We're everywhere aren't we? A relentless swarm of opinionated computer-literate locusts. Terrifying. Then again we can't spend all our time stuffing our faces with maize and other delicious arable crops (I'm still rolling with the locust metaphor here), so why the hell not. Actually, is maize an arable crop? I'm not sure. If there are any farmers reading this, do feel free to comment. I wouldn't say you were my target demographic as such, but good to have you on board. Anyway. To business.

My name is Edward. Well really it's Edward Thomas Lytton Vaughan Coleman. Which is preposterously long name, but one which comes with the glistening possibility of its owner being 'distinguished'. I am in no way 'distinguished'. Though I clearly possess parents incapable of making tough decisions. They would make shit cricket umpires/tennis umpires/Alan Sugar-style television tycoons.

I basically say words out loud for a living. On the television. In an acting sort of way, not a Vernon Kay sort of way. Though I do see him about now and then. He really is fucking tall. There's absolutely no need for anyone to be that tall. The Robert Wadlow of light entertainment.

I once spent 2 days in an underground carpark in Moorgate being viciously mauled to death by Robert Carlyle. (This was work-related and not the culmination of a vendetta.) Hooray! My professional name is 'Ed' Coleman. As you can see I have gone to a great deal of trouble to conceal my true identity from my intrusive legions of fans. Latest count, 1. I got a letter and everything. It was odd.

And now I've started a blog; which I suppose is like being the guy who only got round to buying a Minisdisc player in 2004. In other words, a twat. But hey, Martin Amis is a humungous twat, and I still quite enjoyed the books of his I've read. Or did I? I can't really remember. On second thoughts maybe I didn't. That's the last time I ever compare myself to Martin Amis. I promise.